Thursday, August 11, 2011

The state I'm in.

So, I'm currently working stumbling my way through a bit of a slump. Actually, this "slump" has been off and on for a few months now. I know how to change it, and sometimes I manage to climb over the wall, but I can't seem to tear down the wall, and that's what I really want to do.

Mt. Pilchuck, Washington. Sunset. 

Somewhere, amidst the slump, I found myself realizing I was making it even worse by trying to force what cannot be forced. Oh, sure, I can mold any idea into something pliable, but this feels more like barely scratching the surface. I know there's so much more below, but I struggle to reach it.

Beach at Deception Pass.

My brother, who is younger than me but full of wisdom, said to ride it through, let the slump hang around for a bit, let it run its course. Just the idea of that sparked a small something today, and I managed to eek out a couple small works. I also had success the other day when my dear friend Barb advised going into the studio just to play, with no set plan to "make something". And I also know that the best way to cultivate new ideas is just by working, doing something, anything, to get the juices flowing.

Isn't it just lovely to know these things, yet still find yourself staring down the wall? *sigh* Yup.

Another friend mentioned perhaps I was a bit depressed after the big build up to, and then returning from, my trip to Washington. She may be onto something.

The Cascades.

Regardless, here I am. I have the tools to break through, I know how, and I know I'm only making things worse by focusing on it. I am. At the same time, I can feel that once I break through this, something amazing awaits on the other side. I'm on the cusp of...something, and that's exciting.

Mt. Pilchuck.

And my trip to Washington? It was amazing, just what I needed. Meeting Barb for the first time "in real life" was...awesome. It just solidified what I already knew to be true, that Barb and I are a lot alike, and that I cherish her presence in my life. Barb doesn't demand anything of you, she allows you to be you, and at the same time she challenges you, in a good way. We laughed, a lot. We watched movies, and laughed some more. We made art. Mostly, we spent time just enjoying being together. We also took a jaunt over the Cascades to meet up with some other online friends, which was a most unforgettable experience. What happens when you get 4 intelligent, creative, funny and unabashed friends together, who have never met in person before, in a random Denny's in the middle of the afternoon? Laughter and many smiles ensue. You might also get a few stares, and your table may be referred to by an employee as "where the party is!" I pretty much just stayed laughing the entire time.

Snoqualmie Falls.

Anyway, I'll keep going the direction I am, working a bit here and there, trying not to worry too much and just letting it flow. And I'll try my best to not beat myself up about it, which is, of course, much easier said than done.